


The Problem Of Evil

by SnakesAndSheeep



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Gaslighting, Horror, M/M, Male Slash, Porn, Psychological Horror, Psychological Torture, Religious Conflict, Rough Sex, Shameless Smut, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2018-07-10 06:52:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6971059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnakesAndSheeep/pseuds/SnakesAndSheeep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a suicide attempt atheist problem child Chris is trapped in a town in the middle of the bible belt. Chris accidentally kills Noah, the preacher's son, by giving him date rape drugs and is suddenly forced to believe in a higher power when Noah shows up to church the next day, reborn in a different way</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Fuck, Christopher” John laughed as he opened up another beer, “What put you is such a pissy mood?”

I downed the last half of my own beer before I wiped John’s spit off my arm. What a fucking tool. “I just have a headache and this party is way more crowded than I thought it would be.” I said as I leaned against a tree. It was so crowded inside that you couldn’t move without the risk of getting to second base with whatever poor asshole was in front of you. Despite the whole county being shoved in Rebecca Davidson’s house, I had finished my seventh beer and third shot and still hadn’t seen Noah. 

“Are you going to church tomorrow?”Luke asked as he took a swig of his own beer, besides Noah he was probably the only other guy I liked. He was smart, not in an algebra or who was the fifth president kind of way, but in a change your tire or help you install your ceiling fan kind of way. He was good if you wanted to go fishing or play basketball, but wasn’t much of a talker.

“Yeah, do you need a ride?” I said, figuring that was what he was getting around too. I hated church, but my aunt and uncle would freak if I didn’t go. My father was in India, or Japan, or fuck if I know. I’ve been in boarding schools half my life and eventually decided that living in a tiny little town in Arkansas with my super religious Aunt and Uncle sounded better to me. I’ve been here for about six month and still haven’t gotten use to the place. 

Noah was the first friend I made. At first glance I thought he was another bible humping jackass like the rest of them, but when we got assigned to a project together we really hit it off. He’s the kind of asshole that makes just about anyone jealous. He fit in with every crowd. He’s middle class and handsome, pure luck of the draw genetics and probability. Not only that, he was a genuinely decent guy, he doesn’t just smile to your face but I’ve never heard him have something negative to say about anyone. It was my first time ever being around someone like that. 

I’ve got nothing in common with him. My father brings home literally eight times his father’s 80,000 thousand, without including non-wage income. I’ve been an atheist since I was old enough to watch people die on the news. Noah is the most genuinely religious person I’ve ever known. It isn’t just ceremonies and doctrine with him, it’s genuine pure belief in a loving God who has worked out an intricate and complex plan for everyone. Noah played four sports, and I was working my way through a reading list for Neuroaesthetics. We made a strange pair. 

“Nah, I think I’m going hunting with Joe.” We talked about hunting for a bit before Luke decided he needed to take off. 

“Have you seen Noah?” I asked John, getting sick of waiting around for his ass. The only good thing about this tiny town in the dead center of the bible belt was Noah Evan's ass. I had only been in town for a few months, but it was easy to learn that the only thing they were more than racist was homophobic.

“He’s talking to some girls, like you should be, rather than standing out here with your dick in your hand” John said, as he reached inside his pocket and pulled out a small container the side of a personal handsanitizer bottle “Here take this, my cousin made it”

“What the fuck is it?” I asked I looked down at it, “Before I take this shit”

“It’s not for you, asshat” 

That was the last straw, I had to get the hell away from John. I shoved it in my coat pocket, offended he thought I needed date rape drugs to get laid. “I'm going to find Noah” 

I pushed past the hoards of drunk seniors and made my way across the house. I'm pretty sure I impregnated three girls and contracted syphilis by the time I found Noah. 

Talking to girls my ass, he was standing in the corner texting. 

When he saw me he looked irritated, “I've been looking for you all night asshole”

“Fuck you dude, your the one who ditched me” 

“Check your phone douchebag” He grinned up at me as he ran a hand through his hair.

God he was handsome. 

His hair was thick and dark, messy like he had planned it and invoking urges to grab him by it and kiss him. His eyes were dark blue and also sparkled like he was in the middle of a joke. He was muscular, but because he used his body not because he spent hours at the gym. 

“ Whatever, thanks to you I spent most of the night with John” 

“ What was he whining about this time?” Noah asked as he slipped his phone back in his jeans. 

“You know I stopped actually listening to the asshole a long time ago.” I said, wishing I really could drown out the bullshit John spouted all the time. John was that friend every group had where nobody was sure why they invited him, he was just there “Come on let’s take a shot, I’m bored.”

“You are always bored” Noah said as he draped his arm around me and started leading me towards the kitchen. Noah was a bit of a handsy drunk, the more liquor you poured into him the more he pressed that toned body against you. He must have already had a few drinks in him.

He poured me a shot and I took it before he had even finished pouring his own. I took two more in quick succession. Trying to be so drunk that I couldn’t think. I’d rather not be able to walk than suffer the mind numbing boredom that suffocated me.

This boredom needs a different name because it's not the emotion someone feels when surfing through the internet or waiting at the doctor's office. It's thrashing and screaming in my brain. I can't think. Consequences slide off my mind like water on a rooftop. I know them, but do not care. Whatever backlash I'll have with my friends, family, the police… none of it matters. I needed to do something. 

I looked at Noah, nursing another beer and looking at me with such mischievous eyes. He touched my arm again, his hand was hot and he was laughing at whatever I had said. I think about how if he was born somewhere other than the bible belt I'd have already started undoing his belt. 

You can just tell when someone wants to fuck you.

Poor Noah actually believes in his fairytales and that an all powerful, all knowing, all benevolent God would have a problem with him sucking my cock. 

I took another shot.

Noah shoved his beer bottle in my hand and told me he needed to take a piss. 

I was drunk and the soul numbing boredom was strangling me. I looked down at Noah’s beer and wondered how many of those would it take for Noah to forget about eighteen years of indoctrination. Wondered what he'd look like under me. 

I took the bottle John gave me and poured it in Noah’s drink. John did want me to get laid after all.

When Noah came back he had a girl who could barely stand propped up against him.

“We need to take Mary home, her sister went on a beer run like two hours ago and she's a couple sips away from a trip to the hospital”

The girl looked like she was having trouble keeping her eyes open and her face was pale and clammy. Mary was young, probably a freshman. I hadn't seen her before and drunk me didn't give a damn about her, but I knew that once Noah got something in his head we were going to do it.

Noah’s always been the knight in shining armor. The good guy.

He took his beer from me and downed it in a few drinks, making a face at the taste. “ I figure after we can go down to your aunt and uncle’s farmhouse”

My aunt and uncle would freak if I returned home drunk, and Mr. And Mrs.Evans wouldn't react any better if we showed up on their doorstep.. So we typically hid out my aunt and uncle's farmhouse whenever we were too drunk to go home. Then we would arrive at church in the morning claiming we had spent the night with Luke or John. It was a small house that my uncle stayed at on the weekends during different hunting seasons. It was in the middle of all of his land, acres upon acres of thicks woods full of deer. 

“Okay, I'll drive” I said nervously. 

“Like hell you will, I just watched you down like five shots” Noah scoffed at me, “ I'm driving” 

We got in my brand new car and drove only a few minutes down the road to a really nice trailer park. Mary was able to walk herself up to the front door of one and disappear inside. 

Noah rested his head in one of his hands as we stood parked in her driveway. He was looking kind of clammy, his skin becoming unnaturally pale. “I'm not feeling so hot, you might have to drive after all” he said as he leaned himself against the glass.

I was slightly relieved, I was worried the drugs were going to take effect while he was driving us down the road. 

I stumbled out of the car, way too drunk to be driving, but it was all empty dirt roads to the farmhouse. Alcohol, if good for anything, gives people courage. I got into the driver's seat and looked over at Noah. He had his face pressed against the glass and his eyes pressed together tight. Even with just the little bit of light the street lamps provided I could tell that he was covered in sweat. 

Halfway to the farmhouse Noah wasn't looking to good. “What’s wrong with me?” he was slurring so bad I barely understood him. I figured It was just like being too drunk, that he just needed to lay down for awhile. 

“Don’t worry buddy, in just a few minutes you can go to bed” I said anxiously, hoping I was reassuring him a little. 

It was a short drive to the farmhouse and Noah had kept quiet the entire time. He was breathing real heavy though, the sound of it filling the car. I was glad that we had arrived. It was obvious that he needed to lie down. 

When I stepped out Noah didn't move, and I felt my heart sink in my chest. I moved over to his side of the car and opened the door. His eyes were open but he wasn't looking at me.

He muttered something but I couldn't understand him. “what are you saying?” I asked as I grabbed him by the arm to try and help him up. He had sweat entirely through his shirt. 

He muttered it a few more times as I helped him out of the car. Those muscles I had admired earlier were heavy now and I barely managed to get him up.

Finally I understood what he was saying,“Can’t see”

I looked at his eyes and watched as they searched wildly. I knew I had to get him to the hospital, but I had just gotten him out of the car and now his weight was almost impossible to hold. 

He collapsed onto his knees and started vomiting. After just a few moments his arms collapsed and I had to hold him up to keep him from falling in it. I made myself feel a little bit better by telling myself he was throwing up all the poison, but he just kept vomiting and vomiting. 

When he finally stopped he was gasping wildly for air and shaking in my hands. “We have to get you to the hospital” I urged as I tried to help him up, “Everything will be fine as soon as we get you to the hospital” . 

I managed, somehow, terrified and drunk to pull him into the vehicle. Fear had almost sobered me up completely. He wasn't trying to speak any more he was just laying there. Every single one of his breaths seemed like a struggle. 

I didn't even make it off the property before the sound of his breathing stopped. I slammed the vehicle to a stop and leaned over him. His eyes and mouth were open but he was no longer breathing. I had never seen a person die before, but I knew that Noah was no longer there. 

I just sat there crying for a long time. How could I be so fucking dumb. This was all my fucking fault. What the fuck was wrong with me? It all had turned to shit so fast. 

I sobbed openly as my brain scrambled for some kind of plan. I wanted to call an ambulance. I wanted to find John and beat him to death. I wanted… to call anyone. 

Noah was dead, a part of me whispered. No ambulance was going to help him now. 

John didn't kill him, I did. 

There was no one to call. Noah was already dead, I wasn't in jail yet….

It felt like I was outside of my body as I put the truck in reverse and drove to the edge of the woods on the property. There was a trail that lead deeper into the woods to the caves and the creek. I thought it would be an okay place to keep him until I was thinking straight. 

He was so heavy, but I drug him down that trail. 

I couldn't hold the flashlight and drag him at the same time, so I made my way in the dark. I was terrified, every sound I heard made my heart beat wildly. Sometimes a particular bump or jerk would make me think it was Noah moving, but when I stopped and flashed my phone light on him I saw the same sightless eyes and gaping mouth. 

I drug him until I saw the mouth of one of the small caves. I pulled him inside of it and covered him with leaves and brush until I could no longer see him in the shadows of the tiny opening.Something felt so fucked up about throwing dirt and leaves over his face.

It was far enough from the deer feeders and the house, no one should find him until I know what to do with him. 

Defeated, tired, and drunk I climbed my way back up the trail. The farmhouse was waiting for me up at the top. It's dark windows and silence reminding me that I have never been inside it alone. I quickly opened the door and flipped on all of the lights. The kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, I didn't stop until the house was lit up. I locked the doors and closed the blinds. I still didn't feel safe. 

Noah normally slept on the futon in the living room. He was a nice guy and let me have the bed. I curled up on the futon and cried. You would think that guilt would keep me awake, but it didn't. I wanted to not be here anymore, I wanted to escape, and I did. 

The nightmares were horrible. 

I dreamt that he was cold and alone. That he didn't understand why this was happening to him. 

I dreamt he was knocking on the door, begging me to let him inside because it was cold and he was scared. 

I woke up running late for church. I thought about not going, because the last place I wanted to be was watching Mr. Evans preach about heaven and hell while I think about what I did to his son. But I would look so guilty, I haven't missed church since I started living here. I'd be the first door they knocked on as soon as they realized Noah was missing. 

I threw on my black pants, white dress shirt, and coat and drove as quickly as I could into town. 

The church was the biggest building in town. Nicer than all three schools combined. It was huge and the gorgeous stain glass and architecture left a bad taste in my mouth. I couldn't help but think that those thousands upon thousands of dollars could have been used on something better. 

Mr. Evans caught me in the parking lot. I had hoped that I could have gotten through church without having to talk to the man. I liked him, and I didn't want to think about the pain he’d be in a few days, a few hours. 

It just kept repeating in my head, ‘Oh God, what if he asked me where Noah was?

He was a handsome man with a nice smile just like Noah’s. He wore suits that might be a little too nice for a man of God, but I didn't blame him. He had all of those eyes on him, sometimes you have to dress up for the crowd. 

He smiled with his eyes when he saw me and patted me on the shoulder with his large hand. “Just the man I wanted to see”

“Hey Father Evans” I said nervously as I adjusted my glasses. 

“I wanted to thank you, I think you've had a real positive impact on Noah” Mr. Evans says like some kind of bad joke. The irony is horrific, and I can't stand him saying things like that when his son is dead because of my bad influence.

“Your son is a much better influence on me than I am on him” I wished it was more of a pleasantry. 

“A couple of nights ago he was talking about maybe going to school out of state” Mr. Evans smiled gently, “I’m so glad that he’s getting more interested in his education and branching out. I love my life, and I love our community… but I’ve always been worried that Noah doesn’t challenge my way of living enough. Does that make any sense?”

“Kind of” I say meekly, the parking lot wasn’t the best place for emotional confrontations. I felt like people were overhearing us. Everyone was always watching Mr. Evans, and though he seemed to handle the attention well, I really wanted no part of it. 

“I just want him to worry more about what’s going to make him happy… I'm going to be happy no matter what he does” He squeezed my shoulder gently, “I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate you, and that I want to be there for you if you need me.”

I swallowed down hard because I knew what was coming. 

“Your Aunt Lee-Anne told me about what happened to your mother…”

I had been forced to hear that same conversation a thousand times. What happened to my mother…. They never actually say what happened to her. Just…leave it heavy in the air.

“And about your hospitalization” 

My hand wrapped around my wrist instinctively even though my coat covered the scars that hid there. 

“I know that you don’t believe, that you are here because of your aunt, but that doesn’t matter to me.” Mr. Evans said firmly, “I just wanted you to know that you matter to my family, and I glad that you are here with us today” 

I smiled at him, ‘Thanks, excuse me Father Evans” I tried to pretend that my eyes weren’t filling up with tears. He wouldn’t be glad if he knew, wouldn’t be happy I didn’t fucking die if he knew what I did. 

I went as quickly as I could to the bathroom because I didn’t want anyone seeing me cry. I turned the faucet to cold and filled my hands with the icy water, I pressed my face into them, enjoying the rush of the freezing water on my flushed face. I heard the sound of the door opening over the rushing water but chose to ignore it. I just wanted to cry in peace. Finally, when my lungs started to burn for air and turned up my face and looked into the mirror. 

“Hey motherfucker,” Noah joked, “It was your turn to buy coffee today.”

He ran a hand through his usually wild dark hair, his dark blue eyes glinting with humor. His best church dress shirt hugged his muscles and smelled of the spicy cologne he wore. It was Noah, and he was fine. 

“Sorry, I’ve having the weirdest day.” I said as I rubbed my face, “Jesus Christ how much did I drink last night”

“It was a wild night,” Noah said playfully, “We should probably go ahead and take out seats, my dad will be starting any moment now.”

I nodded with relief and shoved my hands in my pocket anxiously. I fumbled with a penny in pocket, rubbing the face of it with my thumb. It was something I did when I was stressed. Even if nothing had happened, I was still upset, it was such a horrifying dream. 

I followed Noah to our seats and as I sat down my hand bumped something inside my pocket. It didn’t feel like my wallet or phone, so I pulled it out. 

It was an empty hand sanitizer bottle.


	2. Chapter 2

"Jesus fuck" I said, backing away from Luke and his enormous muddy shoes. "These shoes cost me like a grand."

I had learned a long time ago that spouting out designers did nothing for them, but all of them respected when things cost money.

Luke raised his hands up defensively. "My bad, Chris."

I felt a little bit like an asshole, so I tried to redeem myself. "You want me to look over your paper tonight?"

As if it was my fault for wearing nice shoes to gym class.

"If you don't mind. Noah said he would but he's been a little off this week," Luke said. His eyes were drifting off to where Noah was talking to Coach Proctor in the corner. "He's quitting the basketball team; he hasn't been to practice all week"

I frowned a little because when I had asked Noah if he had wanted to come over yesterday he had said he had practice.

Pretending that I had never killed Noah was the easiest thing I have ever done. Life has just went on so easily. Noah was too occupied with practice, or whatever he's been doing, and I've been working on college applications and Tolstoy. I had forgotten about it almost… purposely refusing to think about what could have happened.

"You could write my paper for me," John said, interrupting and putting a dirty hand on my shirt. I bit my tongue to not tell him my two hundred dollar shirt was getting ruined.

They only liked me because Noah liked me. I didn't have a lisp or limp hand, or anything like that, but I knew I was too 'gay' for their preference. They hated my designer clothes and my superior attitude. They also despised when I talked about anything academic related.

I was popular only because the most perfect guy in school was my best friend.

I wasted a little time explaining to John that no teacher in their right mind would ever believe that anything I wrote was written by him. He played offended. Eventually, Noah ran over to us.

Noah rested his hand on my shoulder and I didn't mind at all. Being so close to him. Smelling him. I tried to avoid looking at his chest as he spoke.

"My parents are going out of town this weekend for some kind of big conference," Noah said with a smile. His mother was my AP Calculus professor, so she had already told me in class. It was some kind of preacher's thing.

"I think I'm gonna throw a party."

John instantly smiled. He could barely contain his excitement. "Fuck yeah!"

"There's nothing else to do around here," I reached into my pocket and pulled out my wallet. I had like eight twenties and a couple of fives, so I pulled them out and gave them to Noah. "For alcohol. Sorry, that's all I got in cash"

"Your Dad is so awesome," John said. He was looking at my wallet hungrily, another reason why they hung out with me. I always had extra money.

Noah looked me dead in the eyes and smirked. "Want anything special?"

I shook my head. Normally I would spout out some particular vodka or rum, but I couldn't find my voice. Something about Noah felt kind of strange.

His smirk grew and he squeezed my shoulder just a little too tightly.

I looked away from him, suddenly confused and embarrassed. "I've got to go, I'll see you tomorrow."

The rest of the week went by quick. Noah missed two days with no explanation. I finished my paper for Composition 1, which I was taking at the two year university through the high school. Mostly just boring...

My father normally calls me every Thursday morning, but he forgot. No big deal, I guess.

Friday, my bank account was ten grand heavier. Guilt money…

I am supposed to feel closer to family here, but I don't. I haven't seen my father in eight months. Just because people share your blood doesn't make them family.

Friday night I had almost forgotten about my father. I stood in front of the mirror and looked at the clothes Dad's guilt money had bought. Everything was a season behind in Arkansas, but it was fine. I still looked hot.

My jeans hugged my legs nicely, the bright poison green color making a loud statement. My silver shirt was metallic and showed off my flat chest. I switched my frames for some transparent teal ones and threw on a black leather jacket.

As I was walking out of the house, I walked past my aunt and uncle putting up a nativity scene in the front yard. My uncle saw me and laughed. "I bought a pair of pants just like that for your baby cousin Katie just the other day."

My Uncle Ken always had some funny little remark about my clothes. If they weren't so good natured it would be upsetting. He was funny though.

"Kenny," My aunt said harshly, "you can't say things like that. That kind of clothing is in right now."

She changed the subject in a hurry because even though she defended me she didn't like my pants either.

"What do you think we just finished?" She said, motioning towards the nativity scene.

Something was missing.

"Where's baby Jesus?" I asked, looking at the empty manger.

"He doesn't come till Christmas silly, that's his birthday," she said seriously. I could just see in my peripheral vision my Uncle roll his eyes.

"Ahh I see," I said. I somehow managed to keep from laughing as I got into my car. Even if they were ridiculous they were starting to grow on me.

The party was already packed by the time I got there. Noah was the most popular guy in school, and his party made Rebecca Davidson's look like a small family gathering.

The party was already packed, but I found John and Luke just fine. They were talking to a couple girls I kind of knew from school. Brittney, a big-boobed blonde who was already sloppy drunk and swaying on her heels, and Stefani who was a tiny brunette with perfect teeth. She was holding a cup with her name on it. The I was dotted with a heart.

Stefani argued with John about whether or not marketing was an 'art.'

"It uses like all kinds of mediums and shit, music, colors… of course it's art," John argued as he nursed his beer.

"No, no, that's so wrong...it doesn't have like the emotions in it," Stefani was already pretty drunk and was a few degrees tilt away from spilling her beer.

It was sad that they were probably having the deepest conversation In the building.

Brittney got my attention by rubbing my leg. "I love your jeans, the fabric is so nice." Her hand was not too subtly rubbing over my dick.

"Thanks," I said, taking a step back.

"Sorry, do you have a girlfriend?" Brittney asked, like that's the only reason I wouldn't want this near stranger rubbing my cock in public.

"I don't really do relationships, I move around too much." I tried to sound cool and aloof rather than someone who is passed around like an unwanted Christmas gift.

Noah wrapped his arm around my shoulder, appearing from almost nowhere. I could smell his cologne and a little bit of the alcohol he had drank. "Brought you a present," he practically whispered in my ear. He must have had a shitload already.

He held out of a red plastic cup of wine. Not just any wine. My favorite wine. I could smell it, and even though I was depressed to see it in as sorry of a state as a red plastic cup I was excited to drink it.

"Let's go to your room and play truth or dare," Stefani proposed, looking at Noah with a kind of predatory hunger. As soon as Noah appeared, Brittney had turned her attention from me to Noah, and Stefani had all but forgotten John.

Noah didn't look quite convinced.

The party was still so loud and there were people everywhere. The idea of being in a smaller group where it was quieter sounded nice.

"There's nothing better to do," I tried to sound aloof but Noah looked at me with a smirk.

"Sure. Why not?" Noah said with a shrug of his shoulder as he looked me straight in the eye.

"Take them up to my room, I'll go get some alcohol," Noah continued, turning back into the crowd around the kitchen.

I took the group upstairs and to Noah's room. I must have been in it a million times, so I felt comfortable tossing Noah's backpack off the futon so the girls could sit and taking a seat on the edge of Noah's bed.

The alcohol caught up to me faster than I expected. I had only drank a little, but my world was spinning and the nausea was hitting me in waves. I took off my glasses and rubbed my eyes.

Noah appeared in the doorway, bottles of liquor and my wine in his hands, "Let's take a shot."

Luke, John, and the girls both agreed adamantly.

"I don't think I can" I said, wondering when in the world I became such a lightweight.

"Don't pussy out, you've barely drank anything," John said. It was almost combative, like I was personally ruining his night.

"Come on, you got one more in ya," Luke encouraged.

Noah just smirked at me. "Well?"

They all took turns taking big swigs out of a bottle of vodka, and when it was handed to me I did the same.

"Truth or dare, Noah," Stefani said as she patted next to her on the futon, offering him a seat.

"Dare," Noah said. He took a seat next to me on the bed, and took another swig of vodka while Stefani thought of her dare.

"I dare you to take off your shirt."

It was a weak dare. The object of truth or dare was to embarrass the other individuals more than your yourself get embarrassed.

Noah slipped his shirt off with no hesitation, a smirk on his face as he showed off his muscular chest. I took a drink of wine and hoped I wasn't obviously checking him out in my drunken state.

"Truth or dare, Chris" Noah said, turning to me.

"Dare," I said with some hesitation. I didn't want to be a pansy but I also knew for a fact Noah was good at this game.

"Take a shot and finish your drink," Noah said with a shrug. Even though I already felt sick, I felt like I had gotten off easy. It was a weak dare.

I finished my cup and while I was taking my shot Noah refilled it with more wine.

"Truth or dare, Brittney." I threw a question her way because she was practically squirming out of her chair in impatience.

"Truth."

Pansy.

"Rank everyone in the room in the order you would sleep with them," It was a go to question, just enough sexuality and embarrassment for this kind of game.

"I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings," she said nervously.

"Don't worry, John ain't got any and Chris here is so drunk he'll probably not even remember in the morning," Luke reassured her as he took another sip.

John pretended to play offended.

I wondered just how drunk I sounded.

"Noah," She started with. Obvious choice. "Chris, Luke, John, and then Stefani."

I wasn't interested, but it was nice to be second place. Typically, Luke got ranked before me...silent masculine man's man.

John always got ranked last, not because he was unattractive but he was kind of sleazy and a little bit scary...not to mention obnoxious.

"Truth or dare, Noah."

I rolled my eyes a little at her choice. Poor Noah would have to play twice as much as the other guys.

"Dare." He didn't hesitate, just smirked casually as he sipped his beer.

"Whisper a secret into another player's ear," Brittney said, probably hoping Noah would whisper something erotic in her ear. Another weak dare.

Noah leaned over to me, his shirtless body inches away from me. I could feel the heat coming off of him, smell his cologne and the spice of his deodorant.

He whispered into my ear so softly I almost didn't hear him. "I drugged your wine."

As he moved away he put a finger to his lips.

My drunken mind raced trying to understand. Did this mean I did actually drug him and he remembers? Was all of that night real?

Was I going to die?

I didn't think about telling the others, I just stood up trying to get to the bathroom. My legs collapsed under me and I almost fell straight to the floor. Noah caught me before I could, he held me up and started walking me towards the door. "I'm going to take him to my parents room to lie down, you guys keep playing."

"I'm going to die," I said to Luke. I could even hear how slurred the words were. It took all my effort just to say that.

Luke's face was nothing but pity. "You'll be fine champ, just need to go lie down."

Once we were out in the hall I tried to get away from Noah but I could barely stand, and he was so much stronger than me. He practically carried me to his parents room.

He pulled me into the room and locked the door behind us. I had never been inside the room before but it looked just like I had imagined. Cornflower blue quilt on the bed, cross on the wall, and Bible on the night stand. What good Christians these people were.

Noah tossed me on the bed easily, His muscular body moving my small one with no difficulty. The movement made my world spin. I was so dizzy and my body felt like it was full of sand. My legs and arms were so heavy, but Noah moved me like a rag doll.

"I don't wanna die," I whispered against the pillow as Noah tore my leather jacket off my body and threw it on the ground.

He grabbed my wrist and pulled my arm in front of my face so I had to see the scars from all of the gashes and slices I had taken out of myself.

"Then what are these about?" Noah mocked. "For someone who doesn't want to die you sure try to a lot."

I couldn't respond. I felt tears building in my eyes, my throat starting to burn. This wasn't the time to cry.

"Don't worry Chris, it's not going to kill you" Noah said, but it didn't make me feel much better, "I'm not as fucking stupid as you."

The tears escaped, and once a few leaked through the dam broke and I began to sob. My best friend. I had done that to my best friend and now he was so angry with me. Hated me. The only person I had hated me.

"The thing is Chris, you're not stupid, are you? There were all kinds of tests to show that Chris is smarter than all of us, so tell me how you fucked up so badly Chris." He was slowly pacing around the bed now, His voice low and dangerous.

"It was an accident." I couldn't look at him, had to close my eyes and whimper it into quilt I was lying on.

I felt the dip on the bed, felt Noah's heat beside me, but I still kept my eyes tightly shut.

He grabbed me by the chin and forced my face towards his, "you could at least look at me while you lie to me."

I kept my eyes shut until my face erupted in pain, the sound of the slap echoing through the room. My eyes snapped open on instinct and I tried to jerk out of his hold, but my body was so heavy and he was so strong.

"It was an accident," I repeated, the tears streaming down my face. " I swear to God"

"What part of it was an accident Chris?" Noah held my face so tightly I thought it might bruise. "The part where you drugged my drink, or the part where you left me to die in the woods?"

"I didn't mean to kill you," I pleaded, " I promise I didn't mean to."

"No, no, of course not" Noah said, spiteful. "You just wanted to rape my unconscious body."

I couldn't respond, just choked on my sobs.

"Tell me Chris, after I died. Did you do it anyways?"

"No," I whispered in horror.

"It's okay Chris, there is no such thing as hell or heaven. God, isn't judging you," He pointed at the picture of Jesus on the wall, "That God? He doesn't exist."

I just stared at him as he continued.

"God doesn't care about us. Love, affection, sympathy… all chemicals and mirror neurons and God feels none of it. We are nothing to him. He can create another universe just like this with the wave of his hand." He stared at me coldly. "There is no such thing as good and evil, just some construct to keep a group of pack animals alive."

I swallowed hard. It hurt to hear Noah talk like that. I had always felt like that, but to hear Noah talk like that… it felt real. It was real.

"Death is so painful Chris, I won't do that to you. I would never do that to anyone." Noah said, anger in his voice but something else too… fear. "I crawled out of there. It's so painful, you will never understand how painful it was. It went on for years and years. I was so tired, but I was so angry. So angry. I just thought of you and kept going."

He laughed now, hysterically. "I made it… I fucking made it."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, too scared to talk any louder.

His cold gaze landed on me again, like he was thinking. He began to laugh again and it sent something cold down my spine.

"You know, I actually loved you," Noah laughed. "Thought you were so smart, and different… I was so scared about the thoughts I had about you. I was worried I was going to go to hell."

"I loved you too," I whispered back, and it felt like I was telling the truth.

"You don't do that to people you love, Chris," Noah all but spat, "but how would you know right? Who has ever loved you?"

Nobody has ever said that before, but it was everything I feared thrown in my face.

My mother didn't love me…

My father doesn't love me..

I curled in a ball and cried, barely noticing when Noah got off the bed. A few moments later he was grabbing me and pulling me off the bed. I managed to get my feet under me and he manhandled me into his parents bathroom.

"You're going to show me how sorry you are," Noah said as he pushed me down onto my knees in front of him. He undid the button on his jeans and slid them down his legs, his cock was half hard and covered by black boxers.

"You know how to do this right?" He said with a laugh. "Show me what all those all boy schools taught you."

His fingers spread through my hair and around the back of my head. When I hesitated he jerked me forward. I didn't want to, but I was scared. I could tell he wanted to hurt me, and I didn't want to give him a reason to.

My hands were shaking as I reached them up to move his boxers down. He slapped me so fast I didn't see it coming, the pain erupted across my face and I whimpered as I tried to move away from him. He still had one hand firmly grasping my hair and he kept me still with it.

"No hands," he corrected, voice calm and cold. "Understand?"

He pulled his boxers down with his free hand and pulled me closer with the other. His cock was bigger than I had thought it was. Long and thick, just as intimidating as the man himself.

"This is what you wanted so badly you were willing to betray our friendship, right?" Noah asked as he took his cock in his free hand. He stroked himself slowly, the tip of it inches away from my face.

"I'm sorry." tears flowed down my face freely, but I had managed to stop the sobbing.

Noah smirked as he continued to stroke his cock. It was beginning to grow hard in his hand. The thought that he was getting off on me crying sent a new wave of cold fear through me.

I opened my mouth and he fed his cock into it. My mouth spread so wide it was painful as he pushed his way inside. He thrust into my mouth once before yanking himself out, I coughed so hard I could barely breathe as he laughed at me.

He put his cock against my lips and I opened my mouth again, letting him slowly push his way inside. He began to slowly thrust, treating me more like a masturbation toy than someone giving him a blowjob. My jaw ached and I could feel the drool slowly leaking from my open mouth.

"For such a slut, you're not very good at this," Noah laughed as he increased the pace a little. I tried to breathe through my snot-filled nose the best I could, but I already was starting to feel light-headed. The slick sound of his cock moving in and out my mouth filled the bathroom, wet and obscene.

He pushed his cock in farther and left it there, so deep inside me that his pubic hair was tickling my face. I breathed the best I could through my nose, each breath making me wheeze. My chin was covered in drool and my hands grasped on desperately to Noah's legs.

He held my head tighter and plugged my nose shut with the other hand. Panic filled me immediately, my hands reached up to push him off but Noah shook his head. "No cheating," he said with a grin. For some reason it made my hands go back down.

"I should kill you like this, let you die choking on my cock," Noah said as looks me dead in the eye, "You'd get to die doing what you love, right?"

Tears streamed down my face and I tried to pull away from him again. He had such a tight grip on my hair and my head was so dizzy from the drugs and lack of oxygen.

He groaned as he came, His fingers tightening so hard in my hair it hurt. I choked as his cum filled my mouth. I couldn't breathe as cum dribbled past my lips and I choked. My vision was growing black around the edges.

He laughed and pulled his cock out, letting go of my hair. I choked and coughed so hard I threw up.

Noah laughed harder. "Thanks buddy, clean yourself up and I'll drive you home."


	3. Chapter Three

"Good Morning, Son."

"Morning Dad."

I felt like shit. My head throbbed and my stomach churned ominously. I had already emptied the contents of it in the upstairs toilet but it didn't seem to care. I laid in bed, comforter thrown over my head to protect me from glaring sunlight coming through my curtains.

For some reason, my father thought this was the perfect time to play concerned Dad.

"I'm glad I caught you," like I was the one that was difficult to get ahold of. "Lee-Anne just called me and said you came home drunk last night."

He let the statement hang pregnant in the air, waiting for me to say something. He was going to have to wait for a long time.

"Was it a good drunk?" He asked finally, "Or a bad drunk?"

My father didn't know how to talk about my mental illness, so for the most part he just didn't.

What was I going to say? The truth? To this man who couldn't be bothered to make a weekly phone call to me? This call wasn't even because he cared, it was just to put Aunt Lee-Anne at ease so they would continue to watch me. Just doing what he had to.

"Good drunk," I lied.

"Lee-Anne just wants to treat you like a fourteen year old girl." He sounded irritated that we had wasted his time. "You have to be more careful about those religious nuts."

"Yes, Sir."

My father's treatment of me was one of marginal controversy. My father on several occasions told me that he had similar problems when he was my age, though never in detail. He claims that what helped him was finally being an adult and making his own decisions.

He thinks that's the solution to my problems. All of those mental health facilities and doctors were just enabling me… making me worse.

And now my aunt and uncle, worried that I came home drunk and sobbing were coddling me.

"I will, just had some trouble with a friend," I said. I didn't really know how to ask him about it, or if I even should.

"All friendships are about mutual benefits. Remind him that your partnership is beneficial. Think about what he is working towards, and make it easier." I could hear someone else talking on the other side of the phone. "One moment, Son."

He put me on hold for at least five minutes, which was typical of him. I thought about hanging up, but I just laid there staring at the underside of my comforter. I didn't really understand what happened last night. My brain was aching and everything was so complicated and confusing.

He continued on as if there wasn't a huge pause in the conversation, jolting me to attention. " Just make sure it's mutually beneficial. Don't waste your time unless it's going to be an asset to you….One moment."

He put me on hold again, this time only for a moment.

"I'm sorry Son, I have to go. Just don't impose on your aunt and uncle, and keep your mistakes private."

"Yes, Sir," I whisper quietly.

"I put some money in your account, and I'll call you on Thursday." He doesn't say bye but I know he's already hung up.

As cold as my father was he typically gave decent advice, so I thought long and hard about what he had said. What was Noah working towards and how could I help? He didn't need money, always an easy thing for me to provide, but the Evans lived comfortably. He had social standing and friends. Even with his school work, something I helped Luke And John with, he didn't really need my assistance.

Eventually, I remembered what his father had said: Noah was thinking about going to school out of state. He had been planning to get a bachelors in religious studies at a nearby university the last time he had spoken to me. With application deadlines and essays it could all be overwhelming. Gathering all of that information was something I was good at.

I spent the rest of the afternoon researching the best religious studies programs in the United States. I made a list of them, clearly indicating application dates, cost of tuition, and whether or not it required an essay.

It wasn't much, but it was something. The future.

I folded the paper and put it in my jeans and walked downstairs to look for my aunt or uncle. I found my aunt in the kitchen feeding my three year old cousin Katie.

Katie grinned around a peanut butter sandwich, and shouted "Chris!" Her mouthful of peanut butter made it sound more like gibberish.

"Are you feeling alright?" Aunt Lee-Anne asked as she made me a glass of water and fetched some ibuprofen from the cabinet.

"Thank you, I'm alright I think," I said softly as I took them, embarrassed and nervous about the chastising I was sure to get.

"You seemed really upset last night," My aunt said. There was no judgment in her voice, just worry.

"I had a bad fight with a friend," I said quietly. "I hurt them and I don't know what to do about it"

She was quiet for a moment. "The Bible tells us to confess our sins to each other and forgive one another. All you can do is apologize with all the sincerity and honesty you can."

Different advice from my father's, but probably equally as useless.

"Would you drive me to Noah's please, I left my car there last night" I asked, hoping my aunt didn't think I was fighting with Noah. Everyone loved Noah.

She dropped me off at Noah's, kissing me on the cheek as she left. I watched her go with dread settling in my stomach. I was almost hoping that Noah was not home, but his truck was in the driveway and now I was faced with a choice.

I gripped the list of colleges hard while I thought. I could get in my car and drive back to my Aunt and Uncle's, or I could knock on the door with my pathetic peace offering and hope he's in a more forgiving mood.

I didn't get a chance to decide.

"Hey Chris," Noah called out from the porch. "Crazy party last night."

He was smiling like his usual self, his hair disheveled and wearing nothing but blue jeans. It relaxed me a little to see him like that.

"You coming inside?" He asked.

"Yeah," I said weakly, forcing myself to walk up the driveway and onto the porch. He stood to the side and motioned for me to walk past him into the house. The house was cleaned up, barely any signs that the entire senior class was in it only twenty-four hours ago.

"Let's go up to my room," Noah said, leading the way upstairs. I nodded, feeling like I was in some weird kind of dream. I knew what had happened the night before, but it didn't feel real. None of it felt real. It was both easy and impossible to forget what happened. Habit took over as I followed him.

"I bet you had a hell of a hangover this morning," he laughed as he took a seat on his bed.

"Can we talk about what happened last night?"

"I thought we were just going to pretend everything was normal." His smile disappeared, but he laughed short and dark. "After all, we've been playing pretend all week."

"I thought I imagined it all," I said desperately. "You fucking came back from the dead."

"True," he said as he smirked a little.

"What happened? How did you get to the hospital? Are you alright?" The panic inside of me was escaping. "I thought you had died."

"I was dead," Noah said, shrugging his shoulders. His eyes were on me, cold and intense, in perfect opposition to his aloof tone and relaxed body.

"That's not funny, Noah."

"I suppose you are right," Noah laughed, "It wasn't funny."

"I'm sorry Noah," I said quietly, looking for the sincerity and honesty my aunt was talking about. "I am so sorry."

Noah's face didn't change. "Your apologies aren't really doing anything for me."

I didn't know what to say.

"If my apologies aren't helping, did drugging me?" I spat.

"A little bit." He grinned as he got up off the bed. "I wanted you to be just a fraction of how fucking terrified I was. I wanted you to know what it was like to be so messed up that you couldn't think, couldn't even breathe. The only difference is I didn't bring you into the woods to die alone, I left you crying like a baby on your front porch."

"I thought you were dead."

"I was. You're supposed to be smart Chris." Noah laughed. "How many fucking times do I have to tell you that you killed me?"

I was silent.

"Let me help you out. I'll walk you through it."

"You," He pointed at me, " put an extraordinary amount of homemade GHB into my beer. It had an adverse effect with my Xanax and the alcohol I had already drank. I overdosed in the usual way, respiratory depression and seizures, and died. Then you hid my body in the woods. Questions?"

"I don't understand," I whispered. I hadn't realized I was crying until I tried to speak.

"I'm tired of trying to explain it… What do you have there?" He said, motioning towards the paper in my hand. "A love letter?"

He grabbed the paper I was clutching and took it from me. I was too nervous to fight him.

He unfolded it and looked it over. "Colleges," he said cooly, "with good religious studies programs."

He crumpled my hard work and tossed it on the ground. I didn't have time to be offended. He slammed me against the wall so hard his framed awards fell to the ground and shattered around us. He trapped me with his body, his hand grabbing onto my chin and forcing me to look at him.

"I don't think you fucking understand, Chris." His fingers dug into my skin so hard I knew they were bruising.

I was terrified.

"Explain it to me," I begged, trying to calm him down."Please, Noah, I want to understand. Please."

Noah smirked at me, but seemed to calm down a little, " So manipulative Chris, but I do like hearing you beg me."

I couldn't speak.

"I don't want to spend my life learning some made up fairy tales like my father." Noah stroked my face almost gently. "If you are trying to find a way to get rid of me, you'll have to try harder."

"That's not what I was trying to do," I said, jerking away from his hand. " I was just trying to help. Your Dad told me you were thinking about going to college out of state and I know you wanted to go for religious studies."

"Nothing matters, Chris," Noah said. He put a hand on either side of me and easily covered my entire body. "College doesn't matter, my father doesn't matter, I don't matter."

"That's not true," I looked away from him, but it didn't matter. He was still all around me.

"It is." Noah slowly wrapped his hand around my throat. "I should know, I've seen it. Nothing matters Chris, so I'm just going to do what I want."

His lips were close to mine, teasingly near. His dark eyes were staring into mine.

"Understand now?"


	4. Chapter Four

I shoved and shoved at Noah, my hands meeting the solid muscle of his chest as his hand kept tightening around my neck. He barely budged until in one swift motion he slammed me into the wall by the throat, easily overpowering me. I gasped and choked, desperately pulling at his hand.I almost managed to get his hand off me but he grabbed my arm before I could and slammed it against the wall.

My mouth was open wide, uselessly gaping in an attempt to get any air past Noah's crushing hand. Noah was watching me, a twisted smile pulling at his lips as he continued to choke the life out of me.

He pressed his mouth to mine, his hand releasing my throat to grab my free arm and press it to the wall.

I could feel his hard muscles against me, around me. His body was radiating heat. He towered over me, craning his neck downwards as his tongue overpowered mine. His arms pressed mine against the wall, keeping them completely still with no effort.

I groaned into the kiss. I had thought about what Noah would kiss like so many times. It was sloppy. Our tongues slid against each other messily. My arms were trapped against the wall, my hands grasping uselessly at the air as he bit and sucked at my lips. I whimpered when he pulled away, straining to follow him.

He took a step back, his shoes crunching over the broken glass. I whimpered as he let go of my arms and yanked me forward by my shirt.

"Jesus Christ, Noah," I gasped out as his hands roughly yanked my shirt over my head. He threw my hundred dollar shirt in the corner over the broken glass and damaged frames like it was a piece of trash.

Noah's hand wrapped around the back of my neck and gripped me tightly.

He shoved me down onto his bed, my knee banging into the bed frame with a loud thump.

"Fuck," I said into the comforter as the pain spread across my knee. Noah was on top of me. His hard chest was pressing against my back, all over me, and pushing me further into the mattress. His face was buried in the crook of my neck, his dark laughter inches away from my ear.

"Going to break my glasses," I managed to pant out as he pressed me harder against the mattress by the throat.

"You can afford new ones," he laughed, but he released my throat anyways. His hands gripped me by the belt and flipped me onto my back.

God damn, Noah was strong.

"We don't have to do this," I manage to say as Noah undoes my belt, roughly yanking the aquamarine accessory through the loops and then throwing it on the floor.

Noah laughed, the sound making me tense. "I know we don't have to do this," he said. He rolled his eyes for emphasis. " This is the only good thing to come from what happened."

He unbuttons and unzips my pants before pulling them down just enough to expose the dark curls there and my pelvic bone. He runs his tongue along the dip there and over my flat stomach. I can't help but tremble at the unexpected sensation.

"I used to think about fucking you so much, Chris," Noah said as he continued to work my designer jeans down my hips. "Use to imagine doing all kinds of fucked up things to you. Fuck, Chris, I used to pray about it afterwards."

I felt hot all over, the heat overwhelming me as I imagined Noah stroking himself angrily to thoughts of me.

Noah dipped his tongue into my navel, his hand reaching up to tease and play at my nipple. His lips moved up my chest and latched onto it, sucking it into his hot wet mouth.

"Noah…" I tried to speak as his tongue flicked at the sensitive nub. My hands reached up to push him away, but ended up running their way along his strong shoulders and back. Desperately clutching at his hair as he bit down hard on my chest.

He pulled my jeans down far enough to expose my cock, and I could feel my face heating up as he smirked down at it. He grabbed it with his large hand, using the precum pooling at the tip to help the slow drag of skin against skin. I closed my eyes tightly as he squeezed me a little too hard.

I reached up and pushed some of my sweaty curls off my forehead. I probably looked ridiculous. I could feel my glasses weren't on straight and I knew my face was flushed and sweaty. My designer jeans were pulled down just far enough to be humiliating.

Noah was currently working on the last part, pulling my jeans down the rest of my legs and throwing them on the ground.

As soon as they were off my body, he stopped for a moment. "Do you hear that?"

I struggled hard to hear what he was talking about past the sound of my own heartbeat in my ear.

He was quiet for a moment before a grin took over his face. "My parents are home."

"Fuck," I cursed, wasting no time and slipping off the side of Noah's bed and desperately looking for where he threw my pants.

"Where the fuck do you think you are going?" Noah asked as he watched me retrieve my shirt from the pile of glass.

"We are not having sex with your parents downstairs," I said looking over at his unlocked bedroom door. "What the hell is wrong with you, Noah?"

Noah smirked. "You're not scared of them, are you?"

Of course I was.

Noah stood up from where he sat, my jeans in a messy pile at his feet. He laughed at the look on my face when I noticed where they were. "Come get them," he beckoned.

Wrestling.

Basketball.

Baseball.

Football.

I had seen him play them all and take down men twice my size. His shirtless chest was displaying large, defined muscles just waiting to overpower me.

"Noah, please," I begged. It was only a matter of time before Mr. And Mrs. Evans came to check on their son.

"Come get them," Noah repeated, kicking the jeans a little closer to me.

I tried to catch him off guard by quickly lunging for them, but I was on my back on the carpet before I could even comprehend what happened. "Fuck," I shouted a little too loudly. I'd feel that in the morning.

I tried to crawl away as Noah sat up but he easily grabbed me by the ankle and pulled me back to him and maneuvered me across his lap. He used a strong hand between my shoulder blades to keep me there while he opened up his nightstand with the other.

"Isn't that the funny thing about society?" Noah asked, amused. I couldn't see what he was doing but I could hear the distinctive click of a cap. "As smart as you are, I've always been able to take from you. I've always been stronger. My parents want to protect you, keep you safe, you shouldn't be scared of them."

I tried to get out of his hold again when I felt his cold slick fingers teasing along my entrance.

"Just relax Chris, you wanted this just as badly as me just a few minutes ago," Noah said, sliding one of his thick long fingers inside of me.

I whimpered into the carpet at the feel of it slowly being worked in and out of me.

A knock at the door got both of our attention.

"Noah, honey, we're home. Is everything alright? We heard a crash." It was Mrs. Evans, sounding as ridiculously pleasant and polite as she always did.

"I'm just messing around with Chris," Noah shouted back as he slid another finger inside of me. I pressed my face into the carpet and squeezed Noah's leg hard.

"Is he staying over for dinner? We are having spaghetti," She replied through the door.

"If it's alright with you, Mom," Noah replied, moving the two huge fingers in and out of me. I thought there was no way that Mrs. Evans didn't hear the obscene slick noises, but she didn't seem to.

"Of course, we love having Chris over," She replied happily, "you boys have fun."

I could hear her footsteps as she walked down the stairs but couldn't concentrate on them long. Noah slowly spread the two fingers in my ass apart. I moaned open mouth into the carpet, my cock pressed into the unforgiving fabric of Noah's jeans.

Noah laughed as my ass twitched involuntarily when he removed his fingers. I heard the cap snap open again and then three of Noah's fingers pressed against my entrance until finally they managed to slip in. I let out a loud moan and humped down against Noah's leg. The stretch burned but it felt good.

"I thought you didn't want my parents to hear us," Noah said with a grin as he pressed his fingers into me deep. "I personally don't care, but I was just getting the vibe that you didn't want my mom to see me knuckle deep in your ass."

I whimpered pathetically at the reminder.

Noah moved one of his hands in front of my face, sliding his large fingers into my mouth, stretching my lips with their girth. I moaned around them and started sucking on them, grateful to have something to do with my mouth.

I moved my hips with the thrusts of Noah's fingers, the feel of the denim underneath me a mixture of delicious pressure and uncomfortable grating against my sensitive cock.

He moved his fingers out of both ends of me after awhile. "You are having too much fun without me." He maneuvered me easily off his lap and face down onto the carpet. He kept my legs pressed down with the weight of his knees as he worked his jeans open and down just enough to expose his cock.

I felt the tip of his cock against my entrance. It was so hot and slick, I moved my hips back trying to encourage him to enter me.

"Patience," Noah clicked his tongue irritability, "I don't think you understand the physics puzzle I have in front of me. I have no idea how you are going to fit me inside of you."

I moved my hips towards him again. "Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you," Noah said with a laugh as he slowly pushed against my entrance. It took a moment before he finally started sinking into me. I gripped at the carpet with white knuckles as I panted open-mouthed. Fuck, he wasn't kidding.

Apparently, it was enough to shut Noah up too. The weight of him was pressing me hard into the carpet and his breath was hot against the back of my neck. I thought he was fully inside of me until he pressed into me even deeper.

"Fuck, Noah," I managed to whimper into the carpet, my glasses pressing painfully into my face.

"I told you," Noah panted against my shoulder blade.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I spat out as he slowly drug his cock out of me and pushed it back in. My hips thrust into the unforgiving carpeting, scratchy and unsympathetic to my throbbing erection. God damn, the Evans had money, why in the fuck couldn't they afford better carpeting?

Noah's big hand covered my face. My mouth and nose were being smothered. I whimpered against him, trying to keep my face from his hand but only successfully knocking my glasses off my face. "You are going to have to shut up if you don't want my parents seeing me balls deep inside of you," Noah said angrily as he slowly thrust back into me.

I nodded desperately, needing to breathe. Noah removed his hand and grabbed a handful of my hair instead, pulling on it harshly as he bit at the back of my throat. He fucked into me leisurely, slowly dragging his cock out and pushing it forwards. His whole weight was rocking me down against the carpet, my cock pressed agonisingly beneath me. I couldn't touch it, and the grind against the carpet hurt as bad as it felt good.

He began to speed up, each rock of his hips faster as he fucked down into me. Soon, he was pounding into me. His hand was pulling at my hair painfully and panting against my neck.

It caught me off guard when I came hard and fast. My eyes rolled back into my head as he hit a particularly good spot inside of me, my whole body shaking underneath him.

"Fuck," I practically screamed out, as my hypersensitive cock dragged against the carpet. Noah kept pounding inside of me.

Noah pulled out of me and flipped me over on my back, my cum disgustingly getting all over me. I was incredibly grateful that I no longer had to worry about the overstimulation problem anymore.

Noah made me regret it a little as he stared down at me with a smug look on his face. His dark hair was sweaty and pressed to his forehead. His eyes were full of lust as they looked down at where my chest was covered in carpet burns. He spread my legs apart wide and slowly fed his huge cock back inside of me.

I covered my face with my hands as he resumed slamming into me. I was over sensitive and it hurt, but the sound of Noah's pleasure was almost worth it. I could almost deal with it until Noah's hand gripped my throat tightly and squeezed it until I couldn't breath anymore.

I reached up and tried to pull Noah's hands away. Panic began floating into me as my lungs burned, and Noah just wasn't letting go.

Noah finally came inside of me, thrusting just a few more times as he released my throat. I gasped for air as he slid his spent cock out of me.

"Fuck Noah, you could have killed me," I said angrily as I watched him slip his cock back into his boxers and zip up his jeans like nothing happened.

"I would have let go if you passed out," Noah said nonchalantly as he tossed the lube back in his nightstand. "Damn, Chris. That was fucking amazing. I should have abandoned my worldview years ago."

I just laid there, too exhausted to move or fight with him, but I remembered what we had been talking about before he distracted me.

"Earlier, You said you died. What do you mean? Metaphorically right? You don't actually think you died, do you?" I asked as I laid in my own filth. I was a little embarrassed to see that Noah's jeans had a spot on them from where my precum had dripped.

"You got what you wanted. I got what I wanted. Let's eat some spaghetti and then you can go home," Noah said bitterly as he threw me a gym towel to clean up with. "I'm not in the mood to watch you pretend to care."

We finished cleaning up and dressing in silence before heading downstairs.

"What were you boys making such a racket about?" Mr. Evans asked as he set the table for dinner.

"Just wrestling," Noah said, amused.

Mr. Evans looked at me for a moment before shaking his head. "I don't want to embarrass you, Chris." He started, pausing just long enough to give me a heart attack, "but you really need to be careful with him Noah. Chris is half your size. Poor kid is covered with bruises and limping."

"I'll be more careful next time. I just don't know my own strength," Noah said as he looked over at me, smirking at the sight of me.

"I know, boys will be boys. I just don't want Lee-Anne to think her nephew is going to get all beat up if he comes over here," Mr. Evans scolded gently. "Reflects bad on me as a parent."


	5. Chapter Five

"Chris"

All I could think was, 'if I ignore him he will go away'.

"Chris"

I ignored him.

"Chris-ss" He held the S sound for a solid thirty seconds before I couldn't bare it anymore. He was like a fucking five year old.

"Jesus Christ John, What the hell do you want?"I whispered angrily, casting a glance over at the teacher to make sure that we hadn't earned any attention. Mr. Garrison had put on a movie only loosely related to what we were studying. This along with the ibuprofen I saw him taking and his three bathroom trips this morning led me to believe that maybe, just maybe, Mr. Garrison was hung over.

"Do you know where Noah is today?" John asked.

"No," I said honestly.

"What the hell is his deal? He's supposed to be my partner is civ."

"Give him a break… he's going through some shit" I reacted way to harshly, and it was already out of my mouth before I could reel it in.

John looked at me for a moment like I kicked his puppy, before putting on a face of irritation. "I don't know what the hell your problem is dude, you don't have to be a prick about it."

"Right now, you're my fucking problem." I spat back, my hands curling into tight fists. I felt wound up tighter than a rubber band.

"Christ, I'll leave you alone." John said raising his hands up a little in surrender.

I couldn't take it anymore, as soon as the bell rang to signal the end of the period I was out the door. I went straight from the hallway to the exit, and was driving down the the next period even started.

I didn't usually cut class. The nice private school's I've always gone to notice when someone is missing and I've always been kind of nerdy anyways.

I needed some space though and I felt like I couldn't breath there.

I didn't really know where to go. I couldn't go home, my Aunt and Uncle would want to know why in the hell I wasn't in school. The town was small enough that everyone and their mom would recognize me if I went anywhere else, so I ended up at my Aunt and Uncle's Farmhouse.

I didn't know how to feel when I saw Noah's truck already in the driveway.

I pulled my car into the grass beside his truck. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't upset that he was there. Noah was my best friend, so I understood. He didn't have anywhere else to go either.

I was kind of worried that he wouldn't want me there.

I got out of the car and made my way down the trail to the caves. It was nice during the day. The trail had been made by my Grandpa when he was a young boy and kept up by my Uncle. My mom use to play in these woods when she was little. This tiny little town use to be her home. It made me wonder how a woman like my mom ever decided to be with a man like my father. I didn't think about it long though.

I've never understood anything about her and now I never would.

It was a nice day, sunlight filtered in through the trees warming the back of my neck. It was beautiful. It was in complete opposition to just how terrible I felt.

Noah was sitting on a large rock just outside the mouth of the cave. He didn't look up when I came to stand beside him. I don't think he even noticed I was there.

He had a fifth of cheap whiskey in his hand, already halfway gone.

"Hey," I said quietly, not wanting to startle him.

He looked up at me for only a moment and then turned back to the cave, "Hey." Short and clipped, but lacking the bite like he was just too tired to deal with how angry I made him feel.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I took a seat in the dirt beside him. For a moment in my life I didn't care about my clothes getting dirty. When I first came here I had thought I wanted to be alone, but it was obvious to me now that I just wanted to be with Noah.

"You wouldn't believe me," He said simply.

"You are the only person I believe." I meant it, even after the last week I knew who Noah was and I knew I trusted him. The sex and violence wasn't him, it was me tainting him. Fucking everything up like I always did.

" I think my body is still in there." Noah said barely speaking above a whisper even though we were the only ones for miles, "But I'm too scared to look."

Everything clicked into place. Everything Noah had been saying suddenly made sense to me. Noah honestly and truly thought he had died.

"What was it like?" I asked for the first time. I felt disgust at myself all over again. I was so worried about Noah being angry at me that I never actually tried to understand what he had been through.

He was quiet for a long time.

" When I was a kid there was a dog that went from house to house. Real cute little thing. He was well fed and clean, so we always figured he wasn't a stray. He was really friendly so nobody really minded.

I was playing in the front yard one day and the dog was trotting down the road like he always did. This truck comes down the road and I don't really think anything of it, the truck isn't going that fast. It's the middle of the day, the dog is in plain view… no big deal..

The truck sped up. On purpose. Swerved to hit the dog. On purpose. I can still hear the sickening thud and the dog's cries in my head. My dad had to put him out of his misery, the truck mangled him…

I've always had that in the back of my head. My whole life. Who would do that? How could something so innocent die in such a meaningless painful way? I've always soothed it with 'God has a plan'.

It's like watching that dog get hit all over again,but so much worse. That's the closest I can come to explaining it."

I swallowed down hard and looked at Noah's stoic expression. I knew he should be feeling so much, but he wasn't letting any of it show on his face. He was completely still.

He eventually continued.

" Some people live short cruel lives beaten to death by their parents, used as sex slaves, raped and neglected. You hear the stories. A woman blinded her infant with an eyedropper of bleach. Another woman broke her toddler's back. It's disgusting and endless. These children lived meaningless lives where they felt nothing but pain. I use to tell myself that God had a plan, but he doesn't Chris. He doesn't. He doesn't care at all."

I reached over and grabbed his hand. It was cold and clammy, shaking in my own until I gripped it tightly.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore" Noah said finally, he sounded drained.

"It could have been the GHB." I said quietly, "A hallucination"

"I thought of that too Chris, but I just know too many things that can't be explained." Noah said quietly, " I saw your mother and I know what happened to her."

I swallowed hard, I didn't want to think about her right now. Didn't want to mix her in with this disturbing hell Noah had lived through.

"Everyone thinks she was a monster. All she wanted to do was be accepted by society. Trained from early childhood to look, act, and speak a certain way. Taught that she wasn't valuable unless she was the molded into societies design. She hated herself.

Her chemicals were changed after she had your sister. She was so depressed and alone. Completely isolated. In the back of her head she still had to be perfect. Couldn't let your father down. Even in the privacy of a doctor's office couldn't tell someone her ultimate failure of a mother. She hated your sister. Her chemicals were spiralling. It wasn't something she could just will away.

She had to be perfect. Had to breastfeed or she was a selfish mother. What would everybody say? She wouldn't see a doctor because she knew they would want her on medication and wouldn't let her breastfeed.

It spiraled down fast and eventually it was-"

"Noah, stop." I interrupted. I couldn't handle it.

"It didn't have to fucking happen." Noah snapped, " God, just let it happen."

"Of course it didn't fucking need to happen." I snapped back, "She was my fucking mom. It was my sister. It doesn't prove anything. Everyone fucking knows about it. They just pretend that they don't. As if everyone not talking about it will just make it go away.

It was just a fucking hallucination.

The day after the party your dad told me that my aunt told him what happened. You could have overheard and forgot that you knew before the drugs." It sounded plausible to me, and it seemed to relax Noah a little.

"My dad would have told me, just so that I could be there for you better." Noah said, latching eagerly onto the escape I provided him. "Everyone knows John's cousins make GHB, you were talking to him all night. My mind must have filled in the gaps."

His hand was still in my own and I kept my hold on it tight. "I was so fucking scared Chris."

He was so stiff until it was like a rubber band snapping. I could hear his gentle weeping and desperate grasps for air.

"I'm sorry Noah, this is all my fault." I whispered, getting up to pull him in my arms. It was so strange seeing a man like Noah break down. I had never seen him cry before.

I held him against me as my eyes landed on the cave. My own memories of that night flooding into me. Noah's sightless eyes and gaping mouth.

I decided that after Noah went home, I would have to see for myself. Then we could put this whole thing behind us.


End file.
